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A not terribly complete list…

Dr. Skippy will not…

1. Claim, “It worked in Kerbal Space Program!”
2. Change all the last names on the ISS crew manifest to “Kerman”
3. Use Kerbal Space Program in ANY portion of standard testing regimens.
4. Climb onto the Saturn V display waving a cowboy hat and yelling “I’m Slim Pickens!”
5. Mix up Imperial and Metric measurements when calculating the orbital approach to Mars.
6. Attempt to drink visiting Russian cosmonauts under the table.
7. State “A little radiation never hurt anyone” during the next Solar Flare Alert.
8. Attempt to build a time machine in order to “Go back and pants Senator Proxmire.”
9. Use the spare CanadaArms for Robot Arm Wrestling.
10. Taunt the RosCosmos officials about their Mars probe failure rate.
11. Attempt to jump a canyon with a Mars rover.
12. Use SRB’s for the annual 4th of July fireworks display.
13. Use the Lunar Rover prototype in a “Gangham Style” music video parody.
14. Attempt to drift race the Lunar Rover prototype.
15. State, “I’m sorry, Dave. I can’t do that” when astronauts are attempting to re-enter the station after an EVA.
16. Hum the Blue Danube Waltz during docking operations.
17. Use clips from “Armageddon” when making a presentation about Near Earth Objects.


Notes to Self

Red Vixen
Title: The Red Vixen at Sea

POV: Melanie

1. Rolas still not happy with Mel for events of SotRV and SoHS

2. Sea voyage to work things out on a private catamaran.

3. Storm knocks out the catamaran's power and kills the radio.

4. Adrift. Rolas and Mel work together to secure the boat, have a couple of screaming arguments over everything. Usual conflict between Mel's free spiritedness and Rolas' tight control over his emotions.

5, Ends with Rolas ALMOST crossing one of his lines.... and then Mel deliberately gives him a sharp shove. Make up sex ensues.

6. Spot island. Beaching boat reveals illegal mining operation, looking for (rare endangered species thingie).

7. Run and hide. Mel using some of her old Pirate Leadership 101 skills to negotiate/bamboozle the miners. Rolas works out his feelings through Therapeutic Punching of Things.

8. Rub back to the cat for help. Rolas reveals the radio was working all the time, but he wanted private time for them to work things out. Mel is pissed, until she realizes that what SHE would have done too...

9. Happy ending.

Officer Wayne: The Straight and Narrow

Scene: A UHF television studio in Gotham. Wayne, smiling slightly, is watching from the side as Jack (this universe’s version of the Joker) dressed as a Jack Sparrow expy, addresses a studio of full of happy young children.

Narration: WGC Studios, 7:58am, Liaison with parolee.

Jack: Well kids, looks like it’s time for ol’ Captain Clown to sail back home!

Children: Awww!

Jack: But don’t be sad, I’ll be here tomorrow! Same Clown Time, same Clown Channel! Goodbye!


Jack takes a bow and heads off stage, meeting Wayne.

Jack: Hey there, Officer Friendly! So glad you could make it!

Wayne: (amused) Hi , Jack. Looks like you’re enjoying your new job.

Jack: You bet! It’s been great! All these years trying to be a comedian and it seems I’ve been talking to the wrong audiences. Turns out, when you’re talking to eight-year olds, the cornier your jokes are, the better!

Wayne: Great to hear. But you said you had something important you wanted to tell me?

Jack: Oh, yes! I owe you so much, getting this job for me, and giving a good word to the parole board, that I wanted you to be the first to hear the good news.

Moves in closer to whisper melodramatically

(cont.) I’m getting married! My therapist and I were getting so well that I decided to take a chance and pop the question, and she said YES!.

Wayne: (shakes Jack’s hand) Congratulations, Jack. I’m sure you and Dr. Young will be very happy together….

* * *

“Captain Clown” refers to one of the odder one shot villains from Batman: TAS an android used by the Joker in the episode The Last Laugh.

Dr. Young appeared as a regretful (and soon dead) ally of the Joker in the video game, Batman, Arkham Asylum. Given their mutual interest in chemistry and her questionable medical ethics, this might not be a good thing….
Just how many cop shows have there been, where the high concept is a human cop partnered with a extremely human android?

Off the top of my head...

1. Caves of Steel. Okay it's an Asimov book, but it's the prototype for everything that came afterward.

2. Future Cop (1976)

3. Holmes and Yoyo (1976)

4, (can't remember the name, but it was a TV pilot from Orion Pictures that I saw on Netflix) (198?)

4. Mann and Machine (1992)

5. Almost Human (2013)

Did I miss any?

Notably, with the exception of CoS, which is considered a sci-fi classic, and Almost Human, they all bombed within half a season. Can't blame Hollywood for persistence I guess...

Sales Report: June

Red Vixen
Summary: Not as great as May, not as bad as April. There were high sales at the start of the month, but the last week they dried up almost completely, I suspect due to schools letting out and everyone hitting the beaches or the pool. Most curious was the complete lack of international sales, which I can’t explain.

Things to Do: Nez is finally working on the cover art for Blooded, so I’ve got to get up off my duff and finish making corrections to the manuscript. Also coming up in the pipeline is the Kickstarter campaign I’m putting together to create an audiobook edition of Captive of the Red Vixen. I’m estimating a project cost of about $600, so as such things go I think it’s easily doable, but I’m going to hold off on starting it until after the July 4th weekend, so as the avoid the holiday and losing potential donations to a furry convention this weekend.

Sales Report:

Captive of the Red Vixen: 3

For Your Safety: 5

Good Landing: 7 *

I Fought the Claw & the Claw Won: 2

Mimsey's Tale: 2

Prisoners of War: 1

Shadow of Her Sins: 6

Shadow of the Red Vixen: 3

The Dragon's Companion: 1

Unexpected Diversions: 2

Total Paid Sales: 25

* Free ebook

Update on the CotRV Audiobook Project

Red Vixen
So this morning I cut a script and posted it to ACX, for a rate of $50 to $100 per hour, not really expecting any takers right away.

This evening I got an audition from Daniel Dorse whom I've heard before doing M.C.A. Hogarth's "Kerishdar" stories. Who is really, really good. If I can get a Kickstarter going to meet his rate, the book is going to be fantastic.

Poll: Kickstarter Goals

Red Vixen
So, as I mentioned in my last post I'm listening to M.C.A. Hogarth's From Spark to Finish: Running Your Kickstarter Campaign, which has good advice for setting realistic goals for your campaign and also figuring out appropriate (and affordable) donation gifts.

What I need to do first is figure out how much the whole project is going to cost. I'm figuring a minimum of $1500 for a 90 page novella, though I'm likely low balling that. First I need to set up a script for the narrator auditions and get their offers. After that, I have to figure what rewards and stretch goals to offer backers. Unfortunately I'm a writer not an artist like haikujaguar , so the rewards I can offer are limited, but I've got a few ideas.

Preliminary Reward Ideas

$1.00 - Follower! No reward, just the chance to follow the campaign.

$5.00 - Honorable Mention. Have your name read off at the end of the book.

$10.00 - Icon! An original social media icon created by one of my artist friends, probably featuring Melanie in her Red Vixen persona giving a thumbs up sign or something equally silly.

$15.00 - Hand signed thank you note, possibly from me or the Red Vixen "herself".

$25.00 - Copy of the Audiobook.

$30.00 - Everything below and the original Kindle file.

$50.00 - Reader's pack. Audiobook and copies of all the stories in the Red Vixen Adventures series.

$100 - The Whole Works. The Audiobook and copies of all my previously published stories.

??? - Tuckerization. I'm thinking about giving three to four people a chance to have themselves show up (either as Foxen or another species) for a brief cameo in the next Red Vixen story. This is the one I'm little shaky deciding a price for, especially given it'll be a significant percentage of the overall goal.

Poll #1973491
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 4

Reasonable Price for a cameo?

View Answers
0 (0.0%)
3 (100.0%)
0 (0.0%)
0 (0.0%)
0 (0.0%)
0 (0.0%)

Stretch Goals

Here's where things get tricky. The only real stretch goal I can think of is perhaps a more professional cover for CotRV, and further audiobooks, but given the first is going to be just a $100 to $500, and the audiobooks at least $1,500 apiece, I have to figure out some intermediate goals between them. Thoughts would be welcome.

So waddya thinks, sirs?

Audiobook Purchased

Red Vixen
Based on some discussion of the Liaden books I'd read recently, I've used my Audible credit to grab Rose Point the second book in haikujaguar 's Her Instruments series. [1] I also picked up her non-fiction book From Spark to Finish which was on sale, which is chock full of sensible advice for Kickstarter campaigns. It's already giving me Ideas for finally creating an audiobook version of Captive of the Red Vixen, which I'm going to post separately about.

[1] Hopefully Reese will use some of her XP from the last book to up her Wisdom score though... ;p

Recommend me an audiobook

I've got an Audible credit burning in my pocket and I'm not sure what to spend it on. Previously I've listened to old favorites like Bujold, and I've also given a listen to Gibson's Bigend trilogy, which I found moderately interesting. Anyone have anything to recommend that I might find interesting?


Officer Wayne, Legacy of Service

Establishing Shot: The sun is rising over Gotham Bay, illuminatng Wayne Manor as it looms on its bluff overlooking the city.

Bruce (offscreen): Yes, Captain Gordon. I understand the seriousness of the situation.

Bruce opens his mouth and sticks his foot in it.Collapse )

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July 2014



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